Thursday, April 18, 2013

New "Popular Hobo News Special Report" flasher...



As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I want to provide the citizenry of Mira Mesa a quick and 
useful signal and info. about actions and instructions for them to follow in the event that:

1) our friendly safe little town is invaded by a hostile entity,
2) is set on fire by rogue public teachers union officials who get pissed off when the voters decide NOT to hire certified convicted pedophiles as substitute teachers of elementary grade kids,
3)when some happy idiot decides to steal an F-18 from Mira Mar and fly it into BigLots during their big big annual mattress sale, or
4) when that skank rodent, Chris "HepB, HepC, HIV" White decides to ride his Black Harley    Chopper (beach cruiser bicycle) up the sidewalk to fry is skull on medical weed, yell obscenities
at cars and throw his beer cans everywhere like the piece of trash that he is.

The public needs one reliable news source to tune to and rely upon when these sorts of tragic terrorist events erupt without warning and I think I can do that job. My only dilemma is that stuff bad happens, its my instinct to roll up my sleeves and run into the center of the situation to help out
rather than sit back with my thumb up my ass and be a hapless hand-wringing spectator
like most folks.

I will eventually have an entire page long variety of these "Special Report" signal/flashers denoting the degrees of urgency and citizens' action that's necessary to take to be safe.

For example, if N. Korea, one day sends a suitcase nuke bomb to the B of A branch office here in MM, my "Special Report" flasher will be that of a colorful flashing mushroom cloud with a heartfelt message of best wishes and deepest sympathies for all (gulp...).

In the mean time whenver you see this photo of my pissed off face with red and blue roller-eyes and flashing lights in the background....


you know there's BAD stuff going down out here in Hoboville and that I'm either covering it or I'm involved in it! Either way, you'll know that I know stuff that you need to know about immediately.
Got that...? Good because I'm getting confused myself.

Just know this: Now you know that I know when and what you need to know when there's a need to know the stuff that I know when I know it and you'll know it when you see this flasher thingy flashing.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Hobo Love Affairs, Romances, Friendships w/ Benefits and Drinking Buddies...

Disclaimer: The following discussion is a timely one out here in Hoboville, which will, by the carefully selected citation and analysis of actual local hobos' current and former so called relationships with other hobos of the opposite sex, attempt to clarify and dismantle many of the long held assumptions and myths surrounding the propensities of hobo behaviors, psychiatric health and their capacities for human interaction. I make no apologies nor will I held liable for any despair, sadness, hostility, nor ridicule and rumors which may propagate as a result of my exquisite and highly detailed examinations of the subjects noted and named herein.
 
There are lots of generalizations and stereotypical assumptions that most people make about hobos/homeless people and when we examine their relationships,


Case Study: Popular Hobo Research Science PHRS #16548-UTR.1287.23A, rev. 4
Let us begin today's lecture by exposing and digesting one particular alleged coupling of one Mr. David Mick and his occasional beer guzzling buddy named Jon Jon. Mr. Mick confessed to me one day after he had taken of adult beverages, a scene which played out on the public city sidewalk of Mira Mesa Blvd and Black Mt Road one afternoon! Mr. Jon Jon had allegedly invited Mr. Mick to adjourne from the busy noisy sidewalk and come with him back to his quiet warm home a few blocks away promising him a chance to take a badly needed shower. This, btw, is a very common ploy of sexual seduction known by most every hobo everywhere and one which Mr. Mick was seriously contemplating. "Something about the way he was smiling at me told me that he had plans other than just letting me take a shower.and it  gave me the creeps and so I told him that will pass on his invitation." Mick said.

He continued the story. "Feeling like I'd just broke his heart or something, Jon Jon stomped off across the street feeling rejected. Then he turned back around and while cars were all sitting there with their windows rolled down, and he just exploded with a passionate outburst: "YOU DON'T LOVE ME !!!!!!!!! YOU NEVER LOVED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I was stunned. I didn't know whether to run and hide or to run over and kick his drunken ass while everyone around heard him yelling. I looked down at one guy in his car who was listening to this  and I told the guy, "Ya know that's the smartest thing he's said all day long!"

Case Study: Popular Hobo Research Science PHRS #1BST3646-65.dc24, rev.2


Sunday, April 14, 2013

Ahhh Haaaa!! The Popular Hobo Really IS A Cop!"

It seems that for the entire time I've been homeless, most or all of the other Mira Mesa hobos have,
wondered, worried, proffered, speculated, contemplated, debated and, yes, at last, made the determination that I'm an undercover SDPD officer! The evidence they cite is most compelling:
they saw me talking to an on duty cop, they saw me riding in the backseat of a black and white
SDPD cop car, or they heard two cops mention my name. The fact that I'm the most arrested (and
perhaps the most watched/scrutinized) hobo in town, is apparently more validation that I'm a cop than to the contrary according to these paranoid hobos. Whenever they saw me getting arrested, one of them claimed that my arrests were most likely staged/theatrical acts designed to trick them all into   believing that I was a real "criminal" just like some of them are!

The very first time one of them told me this rumor, my reaction was to deny it, naturally. However, weeks later when I heard it again from two other hobos, I realized that these hobos must have conducted a thorough and rigorous, scientific investigation on me in order to dismiss my denial
out of hand.

The rumor/myth that I'm working undercover as a cop, to me, is hilarious. And because I do enjoy a good laugh at the expense of others sometimes, I only denied that rumor the first time I heard it. But since then and to this day, I do not deny any crazy rumors or myths that these insane hobos conjure up. Its been over fours years now and that myth/rumor  is more real and more alive than ever and it keeps me amused.

And now for the very first time, I feel its appropriate that I share something else about my alleged long standing career with SDPD. I think I was "promoted" this morning @ Jack in the Box! Check out this short video of myself and SDPD Sergeant Jack Didelot.


Pssssst...please don't blow my "cover" if you happen to see me on the streets. Like don't call me Officer Hobo  or Deputy Scott Hobo or some other such title. Otherwise, call me anything, anytime... just call me. ;)

Hobo Diatribe FInds Useful Purpose (As Infantile Humor)

I'm so sick and tired of hearing the latest death threats and obscene vulgarities uttered by the flapping gums of Chris White's yapper and it seems like every other day he's tagged more street signs and more utility boxes along Mira Mesa Blvd. with his big Sharpie markers with crazy violent/obscene vulgar about me. The only reason he gets mentioned at all on my blog is because he's the proverbial village idiot whom is bound and determined to do some really, really, really sTuPiD, stupid stuff!

I just hope I've got my camera handy when he does.In the mean time I need to upload this little video I created featuring Chris White's toothless yapper. The words are Chris White's- the puppet and
voice are my own creation.


Wow, that sounds more like Chris than Chris sounds like Chris! I can't even watch this video any more because I did the most authentic Chris White voice that  it makes my vomit whenever I hear his yapper yapping