Saturday, April 27, 2013

Popular Hobo EVICTED from Upscale Gated Community Palace

 Living out here in the streets, its increasingly difficult to find a spot to throw my sleeping bag down and get a full night's sleep without having some security guard (or on occasion, SDPD)waking me up and telling me to move. Some hobos have bicycles and are, therefore, able to set up little campsites in the canyons on the outskirts of town, a few miles away from center city Hoboville where they "work"(panhandle). While they're able to live in peace with the coyotes, rattlesnakes and raccoons and shit/piss like cavemen/cave women and minimize the risk of their stuff being stolen when they leave it at their camp, I much prefer to live within close proximity to the amenities of a modern civilization. I
need a toilet, a water supply, electricity and ideally a free/unlocked wifi signal in order operate...oh yeah...I also need a little tiny piece of flat dry ground to sleep on.

A few weeks ago I moved back into a nice clean 'gated community' (actually its the concrete-walled, steel-gated dumpster pen behind CVS) where I've lived twice before over the past 2 1/2 yrs. Its a lavish upscale 16 x 20 ft. room with clean, like-new concrete floor and walls. The security lights high above on the rear wall provide a warm sunset-like ambient glow not unlike the mood lighting in the sunken living rooms of those million dolla castles up in Rancho Santa Fe. Its an open-air pavilion
(no ceiling) which (depending upon the weather/season) enables a rich and romantic cellustuous** mind-scape into the milky way galaxy when you're laying on your back in your sleeping bag gazing up into the night sky. During the day, especially in the summer, the room radiates like a hot sandy So. Cal. beach or a desert dune.

** I think I just made up that word, BTW. I sounds kinda naughty/sexy and it sounds quite sophisticated when you use it in casual conversation. I suppose it means heavenly, unearthly, dreamlike. But be careful, if you say it to the wrong person you may get your face slapped.)

The place is just sitting empty all year round as CVS prefers to keep their dumpster parked outside the steel gated pen near their rear exit door. This makes sense too as it allows employees to dispose of trash/discarded merchandise quickly and safely from the doorway of their stockroom. If they kept their dumpster in their designated gated pen, they'de have to carry their loads of trash down the 70 foot long concrete ramp walkway leading from their rear exit door to the parking lot and then carry
it another 90 or so feet back to their gated/secured dumpster.

You know this is the sort of room that fast seductions take place in.  Its got that unmistakable quality of peaceful ambiance and privacy which allows the mind to transport into a zone of unrestrained lustful fantasies. As a former disco DJ, I know a thing or two about seductions that happened so fast that the only thing left behind in the aftermath were sometimes a pair of high heels and a pair of pantyhose right there behind the cigarette machine where it all went down!

The best feature of all about this open air palace are its massive, solid, bridge steel constructed security gates.They're painted in a soft desert sand tan tone to match the interior salmon colored walls. These colors were once featured in the Feb.  2006 issue of Popular Home Design.

The first time I lived there, I had a lovely new king sized Serta Perfect Sleeper™mattress in there and I lasted for nearly a month before the guy whom I was sharing it with blew it up by laying up in there all day drunk playing his damn radio too loud.The security guard heard music and opened up the steel door and told him to get out. He dragged that mattress somewhere and used it himself. I returned a week or so later to the dumpster pen quietly with only my sleeping bag and shopping cart and I lived there for 3 more weeks before I was seen leaving the lovely gated community dwelling pushing my shopping cart and was told not to return. (Hobos just weren't meant to sleep in safe clean gated communities or anywhere else.)

Check out this's a quick top-view drawing of it and below are three short video clips
I shot on Eviction Day #3...a day that will live in infamy.

Well since I began the Popular Hobo News and Entertainment blog, my need for a safe and secure storage area and a fashionable broadcast studio became mandatory. As I raided the FedEx dumpster and other nearby dumpsters to find sign building materials and furniture for the news room studio, I needed a place to store these valuable assets. That gated community has never been used to house dumpsters and that's why its been kept in such pristine condition. I credit the CVS store's management for such a prudent decision not to nasty-up this palace with their trash.  Most anyone who steps inside of this room can see instantly that this facility is destined to serve as a more noble and useful purpose than as a dumpster garage.

 As such, I moved into it again. I first began storing my Popular Hobo sign making materials, then I found a big box from which to construct my news desk, then I found a lovely chair etc. etc.
and before long I began sleeping there again. This time however, I secured those big heavy steel gates with my own Master lock to keep those pesky non-English speaking ( illegal aliens?!?!) housekeepers out of my newsroom. They're not bad people...they're just doing their yob!
These guys spend their long days pushing a trash can around the shopping center picking up tin cans to recycle and fetching dumpster treasures like any hobo but because they're doing official work for the property manager, they have a certain arrogance that is bad for us white skinned hobos.

One of them finally snitched on me and thus I was evicted again from the gated community.
I didn't argue or debate the issue; I simply packed up my shit and rolled out of there ASAP.
The supervisor  of the housekeeping crew warned that anything I leave behind will be thrown away.
He then phoned the corp. office for the security guard company and tried to invent a crime scene situation/urgency about it. THAT FUCKING PISSED ME OFF. I was in the middle of hand washing two new pairs of blue jeans and I had no room to take my wash bucket and wet clothes and so I moved them outside the gates and left a note on top of the shopping cart-- "PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OR  TOSS  MY STUFF INTO THE DUMPSTER...I'LL BE BACK SHORTLY, THANKS , SCOTT"

 I then called a taxi cab to come and pick me up to go to my storage place a few miles away to drop off a load of stuff from my shopping cart. Later,I walked 3 miles back to the shopping center where I left my new wet clean jeans and my bucket only to find that those fucking housekeepers had removed my shopping cart/blue jeans. I began a methodical search of every dumpster in the shopping center and after 20 minutes or so, not surprisingly, I found my bucket and jeans clean wet strewn across the bottom of a filthy dumpster. MY FUCKING HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE just thinking about this shit!!!!!!!!

As I said, these Mexicans are just following the rules and directions they've been told.

Perhaps its time for ICE to come out here to pay this crew and its supervisor a visit.
No, I'm not gonna snitch on anyone about their legal status--that would be cruel.
The solution to most all of my hobo woes is to just get the hell off the streets.

In the mean time, however, the search for a safe spot to sleep and keep our shopping
carts nearby is a never ending routine that goes on day by day. As for the storage 
of my Popular Hobo news room desk, chair, furniture etc and stacks of marketing supplies,
much of it is still sitting there inside the gated dumpster pen. My news desk was flattened down
and stacked with other cardboard for recycling. That's was too low and too shaky anyway.
My next news desk will be made of delrin, carbon fiber alloy or titanium and will be cemented into the concrete floor with 4 foot long teflon/titanium tenticles which anchor deep into the ground. It will take a 100 ton bulldozer, a crane and 40lbs of c-4 explosives to move my next news desk.

Here's some video clips I shot on eviction day...




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